Help! Encouraging My Child

I recently received a candid email from a fellow mom in a virtual school program. The email resonated with some of my experiences I asked her if it would be OK to share her experience with the rest of you.

“Hi all! Last week, we had a VERY rough couple days at our house. Rough is actually a rather soft term, I might even go for a couple of BRUTAL days as a better definition. We are having a rough time finding our groove. My son has a teacher (meaning me) who really cares and wants to make sure he learns something more than how to just get by. He will sit and stare at a problem and convince himself that it is too hard or too much and then shuts his brain down. When we do assignments together, I honestly think he plays stupid in the hopes that I will just give him the answers.

He also refuses to work independently. I tell him to bring up his assignments on his computer, read what it asks for, ask me questions if he doesn't understand something or needs clarification, and then do the assignments. (Occasionally, assignments will require that we do parts together, but I have already gone through them beforehand, so I am prepared when that comes up and we go from there.

Yesterday, he had a review for Social Studies. After staring at Numbers 1 & 2 of 16 review questions for 20 minutes, he came to me in tears and actually said to me, "But mom, these questions are really challenging!" Yeah they're challenging, they are supposed to be. That's how you learn!!! He has to re-learn how to learn. It's not fair. But it's also not fair for him to play the victim card and refuse to really try. Yesterday he had two assignments left from the day before when he started the day. We worked from 8:45 to 11:45, when we stopped for lunch. I gave him 45 minutes for lunch and break and we got back to work. He worked until his dad took him to Scouts at 5:15, came home, had dinner, and worked until bedtime.

Today, we started out 4 lessons behind! It is not because the work is too hard. It isn't. It's because he dinks around, refuses to be independent, and convinces himself that he won't be able to do it - so why try?! I get so frustrated and I admit that I have lost my temper a few times. I have ranted and paced and basically threw a very un-ladylike temper tantrum.

I know this school will be a blessing for us, once we can get it worked out. But how do we get there? How do I encourage my son to work? How long will it take and will I still be sane, or will they have carted me off to the funny farm by then?

I appreciate any ideas you may have.

- JMom"

We've all run into this problem before, how do we encourage our kids when they've hit a stumbling block? What do you think?